I heard we made out
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
