You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
