totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
