so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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