I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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