Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
