You smell like stripper and shame
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
