I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
