He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
