I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
