4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
