Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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