Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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