Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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