one might say we're banned from that church
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
