So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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