have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
