I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
