He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
