There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
