just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
