woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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