i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
