i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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