i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
