the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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