His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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