I'm so fucking centered right now
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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