Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
