I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I FOUND THE LEGS
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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