it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
