if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
