im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's shark week go big or go home
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
