Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
