Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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