I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
