I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
