That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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