Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
