small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
