my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
