I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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