Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
