is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
