I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
