Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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