Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
