your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
