Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
