where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
