my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
