i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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