She said her name was "party"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
