i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
