i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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