You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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