Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
